Confidence

“BEING your true self begins when your inner attitude matches your outward actions “-Nina Obier

There are several definitions of confidence. One that I would like to refer to is “a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers.”

Confidence is believing in yourself. YOU are your biggest fan. Think about it, who are you with 24/7? YOURSELF. You can’t get away from yourself, even though some days you may want to.

That’s why you need to have believe in yourself. You are your greatest resource. You can speak to yourself as your very best friend. But do you?

Believing means you know, unconditionally, that you are capable, worthy, and good enough.

Having this knowledge is one step. Putting it into daily practice is another.

Here is a three-step belief process that you can use to build your confidence. I call it the TSA method:

T – Think about the situation (on paper) Get it out of your head. You can write it out as is, or you can write it out as you want it to be.

S – Share your thoughts and ideas, with the right people. That is key, not everyone is your biggest fan. Be selective. For the record I start with God, then go from there. When we share, with the right people, and are open to the theory “two heads are better than one” or “feedback is golden” We elevate our belief and that in turn fosters more confidence.

A – Act upon your good thoughts that you wrote down and shared. Belief and confidence come with action. The belief process is not complete unless you act. Act from a place of knowing that it’s all good.

The TSA cycle repeats after you act, you will think about it (reflect) share it (with the right people, being open to expanding upon the idea). Act upon it with confidence.

The secret ingredient within the TSA method is YOU. You BEING your own best friend. You “speaking” to yourself as the most capable and worthy. One way of ensuring that you are doing this it to literally say or write down an affirmation or as Dana Wilde likes to call them mantras. Short, simple phrases that tell your brain you’re fabulous. That you got this. That you can do it. Then plaster them all over the house. Set them as reminders on your phone. Repeat them in the shower, car or continuously throughout the day.

Here is what I know to be true, God wants us to live out our purpose, he wants us to succeed in being the best version of ourselves.

“When you step into your brilliance you spark others to step out in theirs.” Nina Obier

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Worry Less, Smile More

“Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. It empties today of its strength.” -Mary Engelbreit

Worry less, smile more. That is this week’s message. I bring it to you as I look back on this past week. I finished Matthew Kelly’s book, Perfectly Yourself.

The final lesson was about worry. Why do we worry? We worry because we have this notion that we have control over situations. 9 times out of 10 we don’t.

One of the ways we worry is by creting scenarios and stories in our head. Have you ever looked back when you do that only to realize it usually doesn’t work out the way we worried about it?

“Worry less. Smile More. Don’t regret. Just learn and grow.”

Here are the steps I try to take:

Stay present“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” Leo Buscaglia. The only moment we have is the present moment, the past is gone, the future has yet to arrive. The best gift you can give yourself and others is to be present.

Mindful– Acknowledge the worry and put it in it’s place by asking is there anything I can do? Is there a lesson to learn? If I can take a positive action I will do it. If it is out of my control I will surrender.

Imagine the Best in Every Person and Situation– What’s going right? I get to thank Dana Wilde for introducing me to this simple yet very powerful question. By focusing on the good there is less room for worry.

Let it Flow, on Paper– There is power in putting pen to paper. Clearing our minds of clutter. By putting it down we are effectively parking it out of our brain. Getting your emotions down on paper sounds like it could fuel anxieties, but according to a University of Chicago study published in the journal Science, the activity has the opposite effect. “It might be counterintuitive, but it’s almost as if you empty the fears out of your mind,” Sian Beilock  “You reassess that situation so that you’re not as likely to worry about those situations because you’ve slain that beast.”

Exercise– Yes, physical exercise is a wonderful way to remove worry from your thoughts. “Few things work so well and consistently as working out to release inner tensions and to move out of a headspace that is extra vulnerable to worries.” Henrik Edberg

Here is some incredible insight from a couple of the powerful women in our Leading A Life of Harmony community.

Carolina Loeffen There is no room for worry in my head. Not because I have all my sheep on dry land as a dutch saying goes. But because I believe that life is going to happen. Some days are “luckier” than others but it all works out in the end. So I am happy to be my irresponsible head in the clouds self.

Susan Recarey Don’t worry be happy a great mantra for all.

Tricia Lesak McFarland I do worry when it comes to others. But for myself, it’s easier not to worry because I put my faith in God. He has a plan and, if something unfortunate happens, it was meant to be.

Debbie Bellon Love your message! My mom was an incredible worrier and I learned from her that it’s so detrimental to your mind and health. I have worked hard to not be a worrier.

I would love to know your thoughts about worry? How much rent does it pay in your brain?

To join the rest and best of the conversation join us in our online community Leading A Life Of Harmony

I am Nina Obier– the link between where your confusion is and where you want your CLARITY to be.

MAKE Today A Day Worth Celebrating!

Everyday…Connect.Create.Communicate

P.S. Are you leading a life that is consistent, orderly and congruent? Is it full of unity, peace and friendship? Are YOU Leading A Life Of Harmony? JOIN US in our online community if you are interested in leading a hope centered, abundant, relationship focused, mindful, optimistic, nurturing, YES filled life!  #LeadingALifeOfHarmony

React Less, Respond More

“When I look back on my knee-jerk reactions now, I realize I should have just taken a breath.” — Fred Durst

React less, respond more. Yes, that’s this week’s message. I was reading Matthew Kelly’s work in Best Lent Ever and he talked about this topic.

He gave a great analogy of the difference between animals and humans. Typically, animals react because they don’t know any better. Humans have a choose.

We can BE response-able. It is a learned behavior. It is in direct proportion to your fuse. You can lengthen your fuse. By the decisions you make. By focusing on your character and virtue. By focusing on who you are BEING.

Here are the steps I try to take:

  1. BREATH- obvious? Well I challenge you to really pause when a situation arises, and you want to have a knee jerk reaction. Stop. Pause. Breath.
  2. EMBRACE the opportunity to IMPROVE and NURTURE the relationship with GRACE

Honestly, what if we embraced every opportunity to be response-ABLE? To keep in mind the big stuff. The state of our relationships. The fact that when we choose to react, 9 times out of 10, we regret it. We wish we could take back what we said.

Here is some incredible insight from a few of the powerful women in our Leading A Life of Harmony community.

Beth Julien This is so true! The time between when something happens or is said, to the time we respond is where the shift happens. By that I mean.. when you are able to lengthen the pause in between thats where you’re able to take a deep breath or two and respond from a wiser place. In that space is where other options/choices on how to respond will come to you. The ball is in your court and your tone and response can set the stage for how the rest of the situation unfolds. Breeeathe

Ayleen Cremer – Handscombe Absolutely! Always, mostly always works muuuuuuch better (for both sides)!!

Kathy Fisk Mela Love that you keep bringing these topics into conversation. And Beth is spot-on. Couldn’t have said it any better myself.

How long is your fuse? Do you choose to react less, respond more? I would love to know your thoughts?

To join the rest and best of the conversation join us in our online community Leading A Life Of Harmony

I am Nina Obier– the link between where your confusion is and where you want your CLARITY to be.

MAKE Today A Day Worth Celebrating!

Everyday…Connect.Create.Communicate

P.S. Are you leading a life that is consistent, orderly and congruent? Is it full of unity, peace and friendship? Are YOU Leading A Life Of Harmony? JOIN US in our online community if you are interested in leading a hope centered, abundant, relationship focused, mindful, optimistic, nurturing, YES filled life!  #LeadingALifeOfHarmony

Simplicity

“Simplicity is the ultimate form of sophistication” -Leonardo Da Vinci

If this is true, I am the most sophisticated person I know! I truly have made a conscious decision to simplify. It really became clear to me after attending my Emmaus retreat 5 years ago, my desire is to have a simple life.

Prior to attending this life changing event, my life was full. I was a mom of two very busy girls, a wife of a traveling husband, a home-based business owner, the president of the softball booster club, the VP of Membership for our Toastmasters club, a volunteer, a sister, a daughter, and a friend.

All year around I was busy. Summers were especially “fun” as we had two daughters playing travel softball with endless tournaments week after week. If we weren’t traveling I was hosting home parties, networking, playing camp counselor for my kids. The calendar was full by design. Look at me. I can do it all. I can have it all. But if I’m being completely honest as full as my life looked it lacked fulfillment.

I am forever grateful that I said yes to the retreat even though I had plenty to “do” that very weekend. What I learned was that I had been so busy doing I was missing the whole point of being.

My life is much fuller now that there is less in it. That is why I want to share my 6 tips to live a S.I.M.P.L.E. life:

  1. Slow down- It’s a choice. “People can pressure you to do things, but the only one who makes the decision is you. Own your decisions.” -Matthew Kelly. Having white space in your calendar is not a crime. When you say no it opens room for your absolute yes’s. If you say yes to everyone and everything you eliminate the possibility for spontaneity. By slowing down, by doing less, you can have more in your life. More opportunities to pick up the phone and talk to a friend, to nap, to color, write a thank you note, be in nature, read, meditate, pray or turn up the music and dance.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=336DlqtQ1SU
  2. Intention- Don’t just do something for the sake of doing something. We have never been more resourced in our lives. You want a new and exciting way to build your business, clean your house, shop online, you name it there is a solution. A new way, a “better” way. I simplified my life by doing things that felt good to me. That worked for me. That utilized my greatest strengths. When I act, I try to make it deliberate and with intention.
  3. Multitasking Is Not the Answer- “To do two things at once is to do neither.” Publilius Syrus. I’ve learned that multitasking is a lie. Not only from personal experience but from “The One Thing” by Gary Keller. In the chapter on multitasking it explains how the brain functions and the fact that you can do two things at once, but you can’t focus effectively on two things at once. It also confirmed that multitaskers experience more life reducing, happiness-squelching stress.
  4. Put down your phone- “Life was much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits” -Unknown. The only moment we have is the present moment, the past is gone, the future has yet to arrive. When you disconnect you create the space to connect. “Your cell phone has already replaced your camera, your calendar, your alarm clock…don’t let it replace your family.” -Unknown.
  5. Leave Negativity Behind- “Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny” -Mahatma Ghandi. Your mindset is everything.
  6. Energize your mind, body and spirit- I have a simple formula I follow day in and day out; Water, Walk, Write. Drink half your weight in water, walk at least 20 minutes, write in “My Daily Clarity” book every day. When you take care of you first you can take care of everyone else in your life.

“It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.” — Bruce Lee. Slow down, no is a complete sentence. White space in your calendar is a gift. When it’s time to do, act with intention. Multitasking is not the answer. Put your phone down. The only moment we have is the present. Leave negativity behind it is unessential. Energize your mind, body and spirit, when you take care of yourself, you can BE your best in every area of your life

Quality Time

“The greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Because when you give your time, you are giving a portion of your life that you will never get back.” -Unknown

Quality Time, yes that’s this week’s message. I bring it to you as earlier in the week I was asked what is my love language? This concept is from the book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.

My love language is Quality Time. When I think about it and how it makes me feel, I am reminded about our “little” technology companion…the cell phone.

Which in my humble opinion can be such a distraction. We have this false sense that it is a way to connect, when I believe we are getting deeper and deeper into disconnection.

When you are around live human beings are you really spending quality time with them? Are you being present?

Here is some incredible insight from a couple of the powerful women in our Leading A Life of Harmony community.

Zeynep Asli Talu-Balci in our family, phones never join us for any of the meals we eat at home and we are eating at home for the most part! Meals are times to connect with family and they are time to look at and enjoy what you are eating as opposed to just shoving your food down your throat! For the most part, I love not using my mobile phone! even if I am texting via WhatsApp with a client, in most cases, I am using my computer and saving some time!! Plus, what happened to good old phone calls and coffee meetings and things anyways?

Janet Kaplan Abraham ·I so agree with the use of technology undermines the integrity of true relationships .

Last weekend I got to spend some quality time with my daughter, my mom, my husband and our friends. I had to drive 22 hours round trip to the softball field. People wonder why I do it? I cherish those moments, those conversations, the connection, being outside, cheering the team on and most importantly putting down the phone.

I would love to know your thoughts about quality time and are you being present?

To join the rest and best of the conversation join us in our online community Leading A Life Of Harmony

I am Nina Obier– the link between where your confusion is and where you want your CLARITY to be.

MAKE Today A Day Worth Celebrating!

Everyday…Connect.Create.Communicate

P.S. Are you leading a life that is consistent, orderly and congruent? Is it full of unity, peace and friendship? Are YOU Leading A Life Of Harmony? JOIN US in our online community if you are interested in leading a hope centered, abundant, relationship focused, mindful, optimistic, nurturing, YES filled life!  #LeadingALifeOfHarmony

Listen

“Listen and silent are spelled with the same letters. Think about it.” -Unknown

Listen, yes that’s this week’s message. I bring it to you as I am reminded of a quote, “Listen and silent contain the same letters.”

Which brings me to Stephen Covey’s habit, seek first to understand then to be understood. It is one of his habits that I truly take to heart.

That is how I choose to lead my life. To listen first, then learn, then always put in love before I lead.

Here is some incredible insight from some of the powerful women in our Leading A Life of Harmony community.

Catherine Schlech Walker Listening builds your emotional IQ like no other thing can. If we don’t notice and hear what others are feeling, we can’t understand and therefore can’t respond well.

Catherine Cat Wagman I hear you, Nina Recarey Obier! and as a writer I may I had, just as we have two ears to listen with, we have two eyes to observe, and together these work “hand-in-hand” to expand our ability to receive the complete message that someone is giving us.

I have found when their body language is contradicting the words they are speaking, that is when I need to pause and think of the next question carefully in order to get to the truth of the matter.

Fortunately, both you and I, and those whose company we keep, are blessed with the patience to help others find their path to the heart of the matter.

And with that thought, may I offer another thought about LOVE … Listen, Observe, Value, Embrace. … As we Listen and Observe, we learn to Value and Embrace what others have to share. ❤ ❤ ❤ Thank you!

Debbie Bellon Love this Nina! I have found that for me I’m a much better listener when I am grounded then when I’m in a hurry or I’m upset. When I am in either of the latter two I tend to be so busy in my head thinking about what I want to say and getting my point across rather than listening. Which really goes to that quote because I should be striving to understand first before trying to be understood. I think it is something that we really benefit from when we practice listening first. Something my husband does sometimes that I have found helps me at times is he will listen and then he will say if I’m understanding correctly you mean…and then give me the opportunity to either agree he understood me correctly or try to explain my point better.

I would love to know your thoughts about listening or being silent.  Do you seek first to understand then to be understood?

To join the rest and best of the conversation join us in our online community Leading A Life Of Harmony

I am Nina Obier– the link between where your confusion is and where you want your CLARITY to be.

MAKE Today A Day Worth Celebrating!

Everyday…Connect.Create.Communicate

P.S. Are you leading a life that is consistent, orderly and congruent? Is it full of unity, peace and friendship? Are YOU Leading A Life Of Harmony? JOIN US in our online community if you are interested in leading a hope centered, abundant, relationship focused, mindful, optimistic, nurturing, YES filled life!  #LeadingALifeOfHarmony

Clarity

“When your clarity meets your conviction, and you apply action to the equation, your world will begin to transform before your eyes.” -Lisa Nichols

Clarity, yes that’s this week’s message. I bring it to you because as I look at this past week I am grateful for clarity.

One way that I get clarity is when I’m hydrated, (believe it or not). In the beginning of last week, I wasn’t feeling myself. I then realized I hadn’t been hydrating.

Another way that I get more clarity is from movement. I physically believe that movement creates clarity. We get caught up in our work, in our computers, and on our phones that we are sitting for hours upon hours without giving ourselves a break. Trust me, movement creates clarity.

I’m bringing up this subject because it is a gift when you have clarity. You get to let go of confusion and chaos while gaining inspiration. When you start to get clear on who YOU want to BE, then you will figure out what you’re going to do, and then you will have the happiness you want.

I would love to know your thoughts.  How do YOU get clarity?

To join the rest and best of the conversation join us in our online community Leading A Life Of Harmony

I am Nina Obier– the link between where your confusion is and where you want your CLARITY to be.

MAKE Today A Day Worth Celebrating!

Everyday…Connect.Create.Communicate

P.S. Are you leading a life that is consistent, orderly and congruent? Is it full of unity, peace and friendship? Are YOU Leading A Life Of Harmony? JOIN US in our online community if you are interested in leading a hope centered, abundant, relationship focused, mindful, optimistic, nurturing, YES filled life!  #LeadingALifeOfHarmony